Thursday, 14 February 2008

First Paragraph II

As usual, after receiving all the comments at the Forum I did a rewrite.
This time it has been rather difficult to get a grasp on what I wanted to tell and how to go about it.

So, now, here's the new version:

With a grim expression Ella watched the little boy chasing butterflies around in the grass, the little boy she was supposed to call ‘son’. It hadn’t been her idea to accompany him, but Ruwen had insisted. Another person she could live without knowing.
She squinted against the sun. It reflected in bright sparks off the head of the boy, who was still running around. Really, who had ever said children were endearing? In her opinion they were annoying, even more so because she was forced to deal with them every single day. She couldn’t see anything endearing in the blond curls or the round face or the helplessness.
“Jesper! We’re going home!”
“But Ella, it’s just-“
The rest of his sentence was lost on her. She had seen something. It could have only been a reflection or a current in the air, but by the way Ella’s heart skipped a beat, she knew something had been there. For a split second she had seen something take shape in the air beside the boy.
“Time to go home, Jesper! Levin will be waiting for you.” She needed to get away from here!
Her words persuaded the little boy and he came bouncing over to her.
“Can we come back tomorrow? I really liked the butterflies. I gave them names, but they were flying around too quickly and I couldn’t see who was who. Do you think they’ll be here tomorrow again? We could play games together.”
Jesper grabbed her hand and she barely refrained from pulling back. The little one had to be the most touchy-feely person she had ever known. And besides, his hand was sticky from whatever he had eaten before going out. He was by now singing to himself quietly, skipping along beside her. Ella sighed and pulled Jesper to the path leading them home.

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