Saturday, 16 February 2008

First Paragraph III

I've been staring at the second paragraph for almost four hours now and am completely dissatisfied with it.

Anyhow, here's *cough* another rewrite of the first paragraph *cough*:

With a grim expression Ella watched the little boy chasing butterflies in the grass, the little boy she was supposed to call ‘son’. It hadn’t been her idea to accompany him, but Ruwen had insisted. Another person she could live without knowing.
She squinted against the sun, which reflected in bright sparks off the boy’s head. Really, who had ever said children were endearing? In her opinion they were annoying, even more so because she was forced to deal with them every single day. She couldn’t find anything endearing in the blond curls or the round face or the helplessness.
For a split second she saw something take shape in the air beside the boy.
“Jesper! We’re going home!” she called out.
“But Ella, it’s just-“ The rest of his sentence was lost on her.
She knew, by the way her heart had skipped a beat, something had been there. It could have been just a reflection or a current in the air, but she needed to get away from here.
“Levin will be waiting for you!”
Her words persuaded the little boy and he came bouncing over to her.
“Can we come back tomorrow? I really liked the butterflies. I gave them names, but they were flying around too quickly and I couldn’t see who was who. Do you think they’ll be here tomorrow?”
Jesper grabbed her hand and she barely refrained from pulling back. The little one had to be the most touchy-feely person she had ever known. And besides, his hand was sticky from something he had eaten. He was, by now singing to himself quietly, skipping along beside her. Ella took one cautious look back over her shoulder before she tugged Jesper to the path leading them home.

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